...so i touched it.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
