I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
