I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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