you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
