I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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