Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
