Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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