You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
