My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
