There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
