Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
People in love make me want to vomit
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
