addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
