I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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