whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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