dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
