You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
