life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it's like iHOP with fire
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
