So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
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I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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