so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
