i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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