I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
