Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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