I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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