she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
