in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
