He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
