Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
