Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
