I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
