I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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