first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
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I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
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I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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