the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
