thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
