You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
