I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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