bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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