I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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