It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize