What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
