are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
