you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I believe in your delicious
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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