Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
