i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
