Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
