Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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