Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
