i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
please come you make the beer taste better
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
