What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
