3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
