were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
