maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
