So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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