i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
