after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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