Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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