I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
