Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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