then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
