Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
