who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How does it feel to date your dad?
Pants are for mortals
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
