A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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