why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
