youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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