His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
