for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
