we're blogging at a bar
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
