Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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