first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
