Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
