I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
