There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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