just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
