I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
