so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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