hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
