My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
