You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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