I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
