I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
