Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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