Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
