you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
