Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
