I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
