You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
