If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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