blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize