I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
