I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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